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7 Essential tips for The Rapture

Dress comfortably: Sneakers are a good idea. You never know which way its gonna go for you and if you end up in the bad place you are going to be doing a lot – and I mean a lot – of chores and bullshit.

Timing is everything: With time being what it is, there is a pretty complex system behind who goes when. We want you to all be surprised, so… sorry social media fans… your twitter stream will not keep you hip to what’s up. You might as well just leave the smart phone at home.

Breakfast: Eat a good one. Have seconds. There is going to be a ton of newbies to deal with and the caterer is from hell. Literally.

Pets: Don’t ask your pet when you arrive wherever you arrive. They are fine, but if they want to see you they will ask to see you.

Hangovers: Trust me, you don’t want to be hungover when your flying up in the air to meet Dad. The last thing you want on your shirt when you are embraced by the all encompassing love and light of He that is Daddy, is some vomit from the outrageous Rapture Punch you drank last night. Dad sees that shit. He sees everything! You will be flying up in the air without stabilization… there is going to be a lot of spinning around in circles…. So take it easy Friday night.

SEO: Don’t worry about your rankings when it comes to rapture-related searches. The affiliate market has long sewn up this market with its Rapture Kits and Rapture at home plans. I’ve been using a PPC/Banner/Social strategy that one of the interns manages and its showing a 164% ROI. Not too shabs. Bottom line is: Natural search has a pretty crowded market – but  you can still do some damage with paid campaigns.

Don’t Stress: There is nothing you can do to change what is going to happen at this point. All Dad’s people have the seating arrangements already – so do what though will from here on in. Just remember that Dad can still smite the crap out you if he sees something completely egregious.



This entry was posted on Thursday, May 19th, 2011 at 7:23 am and is filed under Tips. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.